"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
