you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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