He is such a slut. More and more my type.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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