I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
