Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
