im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
