what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
