it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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