Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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