We won't sleep together?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
