So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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