Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
