just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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