i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
