We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
