im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
