so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
