My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
