I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
