K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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