had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
