Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
