Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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