He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
