i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
