Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
