break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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