It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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