Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
