I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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