Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
