Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
