my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
