I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
