wat bout pragnant strippers??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
