If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
