I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
