Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
