My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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