Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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