Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
