Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
