why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
