she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
