i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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