??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
