after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
