last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
