look no pants
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
