question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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