No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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