if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
