Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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