Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
