My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
