apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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