I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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