You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
