Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
