security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't deserve a penis
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
