you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
