I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
